Old Takkies Indaba

I’m afraid that since I left school Afrikaans has been nothing more than an annoying ex. You know the one – you don’t want to talk to them, they don’t want to talk to you and you can’t believe you were ever with them.

It’s not that I have anything particular against Afrikaans – I’m just glad I no longer have to speak it. I simply wasn’t built to get around all the difficult sounds. I can’t brrrei – it comes out all flat and horrible sounding. Although I can fully understand quite a lot, pronouncing the title of this piece sounds like I’m trying to speak with marbles in my mouth. In fact, I firmly believe that the whole language was created as a weapon against the British.

Stay with me for a moment – it does actually make sense. If you think about it, South Africa as we know it was colonised by various people at various times with the most well known being the Dutch and the British. If you’ve ever heard someone speaking Dutch or tried reading a book in Dutch, you’ll know how similar the two languages are.

If you imagine for a moment that the people in South Africa at the time may have been mildly annoyed at suddenly having to sing “God save the Queen”, you can imagine how they’d have felt about speaking English.

Quite unsurprisingly, many people flat refused to speak English – labeling it the language of the oppressors (how’s that for irony?). It’s not a great logical leap to say that they began constructing the Afrikaans language in earnest not because they needed a new way of communicating but rather as a result of a quiet rebellion and a lingering of Dutch. I can imagine all the khaki-clad mense sitting around their kitchen table having a good chuckle about the Rooinek in town who just tried to say “Hoe gaan did met u?” (How are you?) or trying to buy a dress for his lady and hesitantly stuttering out “rooi rok”. No wonder there was so little love lost between the nations.

Of course, I’m being a little unfair on Afrikaans. To many people it’s a language that conveys a ton of meaning and has subtleties that make it very special to them. There are many redeeming factors – one of which is swearing. Even a predominantly English speaking person like myself can make use of Afrikaans swear words. There’s something about them that just releases tension like no other language (with the possible exception of the German Scheiße at high volume). The wonderful “only-possible-on-the-internet” SwearSaurus has some excellent examples for everyday use from the fairly tame “poephol” (asshole) to the quite rude “eet kak en vrek” (eat shit and die) – I suggest you take a look at it, just Google “Swearsaurus” and you’ll find examples to sate even the dirtiest mouth.

Despite what it may seem like though, one day when I have kids I’ll be teaching them Afrikaans and making sure they give it as much attention as they can at school. I do honestly believe that it’s a useful language to have under your belt both for when you’re living in South Africa and when you’d like to say something that nobody understands on foreign shores. The language is an integral part of our culture and I don’t think there’s anything that will ever shift that – not the mispronunciations of a young man or the historical links to the sadder parts of South Africa’s past.

Plus, it’s a lot of fun to sing in.

Bobbejaan klim die berg, so haastig en so lastig; bobbejaan klim die berg, so haastig en so lastig; bobbejaan klim die berg om die boere te vererg.
Hoera vir die jollie bobbejaan!
O moenie huil nie, o moenie treur nie, die Stellenbosse boys kom weer.
O moenie huil nie, o moenie treur nie, die Stellenbosse boys kom weer.