Dit Spyt My, Ek Verstaan Jou Nie
I suppose like any ex convent Catholic schoolgirl one has to start with the confession. Mine starts out something like this (I was never really good at this, so here goes): Forgive me father for I have sinned, I confess that I hate Afrikaans…. with a passion!
There I said it! I said it in Johannesburg, South Africa.. I said it. (Damn! I love Chris Rock). Now, I’m sure to the millions of Afrikaaners out there this is sacrilege and you all cannot wait to be burn me at the stake. But, before you grab your firey torches and march down the road, let me explain…
How can you say that about our beloved language you shout? Die taal!
One word springs to mind and will answer all your vraagies… Steve Hofmeyr!
Yes that’s right! ‘Pampoen’ man himself. The fault for my total intolerance lies firmly at the feet of Kurt Darren, Patricia Lewis and the like. I cannot for the life of me take the Afrikaans language seriously due to the Afrikaans music industry itself.
It still to this day amazes me that, “Sokjol Treffers” flies off the shelf with such speed, that it manages to catch a speed wobble as it hurtles out the doors of music shops around the country. Why? Why do they insist on producing music like ‘Loslappie’ and ‘Leeuloop’? Is this really all that South Africa has to offer? ‘Ek wil huis toegaan na mamma toe?’ Roughly translated to ‘I wanna go home to my mommy?’ Are you kidding me? This must be some sort of joke. Dit spty my, ek verstaan jou nie!
I say this with 100% conviction when I announce that my 12 year-old cousin is more lyrically inclined than all of them put together. In fact, I dare you to prove me wrong on the subject. The quasi-intellectual lyrics written by the musicians that inhabit this genre leave a lot to be desired and don’t say much for our country. The infamous American country music has more appeal than any boetie or bokkie ever could. I would opt for Rascal Flatts hailing from Columbus, Ohio any day if given the choice.
Another gem of the Afrikaans gravy boat is ‘Egoli: Plek van goud’ Wow that was bad acting even if I say so myself. The moments of love and passion followed by the lies and deceit all set amongst the backdrop of some crumby JHB coloured woman’s flat. I was absolutely delighted when M-Net announced they would be ending the show. I am astounded that it even lasted the 10 or so years that it did. It was mind numbingly boring but then again what soapie isn’t? So with that said and fair being fair, I’ll let Afrikaans slide for that little faux pas.
However, undoubtedly the most embarrassing Afrikaans moment for me happened only a few short months ago. Pictures of Joost Van der Westhuizen snorting cocaine with supposed prostitute were published courtesy of Heat Magazine. Affectionately dubbed ‘the Joostgate saga’, his name was forever tarnished as he tried to defend himself. His defence you wonder? “It wasn’t me, it was someone who looks like me’ Now that’s a pearler!
One thing is for certain when it comes to Afrikaans. It provides a barrel of laughs to anyone who happens to be standing on the outside looking in.
God bless Afrikaans! I wouldn’t change it for the world. Hell! At least the Afrikaaners are friendlier than the English.
Good one Carla, I really enjoyed this one!
Ek sou kon doen met ‘n miljoen? Stop stop, Ek is ‘n spied kop? Oooh oooh wat about that blonde, not Patricia, the older one… what was her name?? Look what you’ve done! Oh man, some things I did NOT need to be reminded of! Blerrie hell, Carla ;D Glad I wasn’t around to see the Joost pics; it would have broken my heart. First Hansie and then this?
I was flabbergasted to see Egoli on Mnet the other day. I thought it was cancelled?
Thanks Alex
@Poppy Hahahaha it’s classic. The Joost pics along with the video was quite insane. I think the nation was quite shocked when that whole debacle unfolded. Poor Hansie too
Haha! Even as someone who is working on tolerance at all levels, I must admit that I, too, am dumbfounded by the appeal of the serious sokjol music. I have now listened to “local”, culturally infused music from the US, Norway, Britain and even Tunisia and nothing quite matches the Afrikaans treffer for cheesiness…I reckon its in the lyrics…
lol cheese of the day indeed!
Carla, you’re a tool. I assume you’re Portuguese? Can I rip your nation about how cheezy and dirty you all look and smell? And as for YOUR language, I suggest you watch Russel Peters and see how retarded your language sounds.
If you are Greek and not Porra, I’ll have to come back with a different fight.
But until then, kiss my ass if you don’t like Afrikaans.
But we are cheezy and dirty and we do smell.
“I reckon its in the lyrics…”
This is what’s so confounding about Sprinkbok Treffers and its ilk: I always found Afrikaans to be a singularly spectacular language for poetry and prose. How hard to you have to work to make it _that_ bad?! I guess it takes a special kind of “talent” to strip a language of all its potential and leave only the crumbs. The cheesy, cheesy crumbs
Ag no, another one just popped into my head. Sonia… iets? Blonde poppie with the ag shame voice. Damn you!
So… many… unhappy… memories… http://www.bigtalk.co.za/afrikaans.htm
And I’m done.
Ja but hang on okes – That’s like watching Idols, and saying English music is up the pooper.
There are some gorgeous Afrikaans songs, and singers. Koos Kombuis, Karen Zoid – Both beautiful songs and lovely lyrics. Find me a song on “Now that’s what I call music – Volume 91231″ that comes close to matching Kombuis’ Lisa se Klavier.
So ja, a lot of Afrikaans music is kak, but vok a lot of English music is worse.
PS – For anybody wanting to have a good giggle about South Africa and our languages, watch District 9. Watch it anyway, because it’s good. But also for the taal spoken.
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Hoe edit ek ‘n comment? Bliksem. Ek bedoel “Both beautiful singers and have lovely lyrics”.
Zak Wood´s last blog ..Belated
I heard a song on 5fm the other day – a South African group who obviously took their inspiration from groups like Lincoln Park. There was heavy guitar rifts, lots of noise, a guy rapping in english and then the chorus – in Afrikaans. I was VERY impressed with it, even if it was a bit noisy and all over the place
GOOD South African artists are good and far between, but I will never forget the first time I heard a Karen Zoid song. Before that afrikaans was always Rina Hugo and Randall Wicomb (yawn) and then – Karen Zoid! She made me look at afrikaans music with new appreciation…its just a shame that there are so few of her calibre around.
I was by no means saying all Afrikaans music sucks but the Kurt Darren’s and Patricia Lewis’ of the world leave majority of society with the wrong perception. Karen Zoid rocks! Plus i never said i didn’t like Afrikaans it is precisely all the different variety that Afrikaans offers that makes me enjoy it. I even have a Modern Talking mix from some or other treffers album that i absolutely love. We are all a little cheesy at heart.
Hell yes there are a lot of English songs that suck! Aqua – Barbie Girl being a prime suspect.
@Zak, you don’t edit
once it’s been said, it’s been said…
ok, you don’t see an edit or advanced edit next to quote? maybe I just see it because I’m admin
@ Carla – Barbie girl is one of the finest pieces of music ever produced, in any language. For a particularly good cover, search for Robert Unwin.
@ Alex – It’s because you’re an admin.
@ everybody – I’m glad I’m not alone on the Karen Zoid fan wagon.
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I’ve never ever been a fan of Afrikaans music in any form, I find the “r” and “g” sound too rough
So I tried..I really did, I youtubed some Karen Zoid, Koos Kombuis, even Fokof Polisiekar, and I haven’t changed my mind
Ah – the song currently playing on 5fm (featuring english rap and afrikaans chorus) is by a local group called Cold Product!
Hmmm. You clearly never encountered the remarkable band KOOS pre the silly VOELVRY thing grabbed the hype, nor ARTVARK. Pity.
Nope can’t say that i have.
I’m an ardent fokofpolisiekar fan, I especially like their chiller stuff… (*GASP* THEY HAVE THAT?!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VWWxseindY
Alex, you’re not the first person to tell me that Afrikaans is too harsh on their ear for making music. I guess you have to be used to it. How do you find german? Rammstein maybe?
Thanks Zak for mentioning “Lisa se klavier”, you beat me to it. However it is true that most Afrikaans music is horribly bad. I want to bash people’s faces in when they say “But’s it’s got such an awesome beat hey! Kommons sokkie!”
However I think it’s a general principle, I quote from “Shibumi” by Trevanian, 1979:
“But we are in the age of the mediocre man. He is dull, colorless, boring — but inevitably victorious. The amoeba outlives the tiger because it divides and continues in its immortal monotony. The masses are the final tyrants. See how, in the arts, Kabuki wanes and Nô withers while popular novels of violence and mindless action swamp the mind of the mass reader. And even in that timid genre, no author dares to produce a genuinely superior man as his hero, for in his rage of shame the mass man will send his yojimbo, the critic, to defend him. The roar of the plodders is inarticulate, but deafening. They have no brain, but they have a thousand arms to grasp and clutch at you, drag you down.”
@Chatsubo
I’m sure it’s just a matter of getting used to it, and I’m sure if you grew up with the language as your first language it’s a natural progression.
I don’t like listening to German either – and Rammstein is not music
Likewise Alex. German is a bit too hectic for me too.
I think things like “Losslappie” just aren’t meant to be taken as seriously as they are, because actually it’s rather funny. But because so much similar music does take itself seriously to the point of being ridiculous, it makes all of it seem a little daft.
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